The helpless... and the future

Do you know that feeling, when you're having a bad dream, and you're trying to scream and you just can't let the voice out of your throat to save your life?(no pun intended)
That's how I feel most of the time when I'm around my brother. He has the upper hand, and it's been like this since he was 2. He just shuts me up and there I am, unable to make my voice sound, unable to stand up for my rights. And he leaves me feeling helpless, feeling like he'll always do whatever he wants to do with me. Knowing that, when my parents are no longer around, I won't feel safe near him. I have nothing to make me think he would be there for me, he would help me if I'm in trouble. Moreover, I don't think he would mind making profit out of my problems. And that scares the hell out of me. Because if you don't feel safe with your brother, who's left?
It's in times like this when I truly miss having somebody to cuddle with, somebody who's arms would be around me if nothing ever happens. And then I shake my head, I know I have people around, I know they care, and I know I haven't met the right person yet (not even close!) but sometimes I also think... what if I never find the right person? What if there's nobody for me out there? What if nobody chooses me? What if I end up with some sour-puss so I'm not alone surrounded by a zillion cats?
Sh**, I need to start working, it's midnight and haven't started yet... and has to be finished by 8am. Yay me.